Wednesday, May 10, 2017

The Terror Within/Dead Space double header

Deep space; the promise of endless exploration and discovery, and unimaginable horror; these movies were meant to push the boundaries of imagination and fear, they often push the boundaries of good taste and patience instead, but the faithful shall be rewarded.  True believers in the cult of the VHS and champions of sci-fi trash will find these movies delightfully obtuse B-rated bundles of joy dripping with slime and gore; staples in the gorehound elite’s diet.  Fans of face ripping, throat slashing, acid spewing, gut tearing, monster melting, head stomping, bone crunching alien horror should look no further than these forgotten sci-fi gems of yesteryear.

The Terror Within –

“You’re an ugly son of a bitch!”

George Mother Fucking Kennedy leads a group of survivors in a search for a cure to a plague that has ravaged the planet, leaving legions of flesh hungry mutant gargoyles in its wake.   The movie begins promising enough, two men wander the desert, one man with a beautiful mullet, great plumage, and already I like the on screen mullet to man ratio.  The group is low on supplies, they eat rattlesnake (tastes just like chicken) and drink moon shine but soon the party is crashed by horny gargoyles on a mission to rape.  The mutants surround the Mojave Desert underground lab complex George and crew are holed up in; let the rape party begin.  Soon one of the female survivors is pregnant with mutant spawn; George attempts a C-section surgery to study the freak but the little fucker tears out of her chest instead, blood and visceral splatter everywhere, the operating theater is soaked in gore, and the hunt for the creature begins.  Pretty much the pinnacle of this trash fest, because the rest of the movie is spent awkwardly bumping around air vents in the dark.  There’s a dog named Butch, and Butch was the only survivor I cared about making it out alive.  It’s discovered that the creatures have super sensitive hearing, which is kind of a surprise because they don’t look like they even have ears, but whatever, they must not like metal, fuck them.  In the end duct tape saves the day.  Duct tape.

Dead Space –

Technically a remake of Mutant, just you know without any of the over the top cheese and sleaze that makes Mutant so damn endearing.   Maybe they should have called it Dead Air instead.  The most interesting part of this movie is that it stars Bryan Cranston in a role that heavily foreshadows his later work on Breaking Bad; he plays a scientist searching for a cure to a lethal disease that plagues him.  

Knowing his time is short he takes radical risks and disregards all safety protocols to create his cure for the deadly Delta V disease, and to the surprise of absolutely no one something goes horribly wrong.  The lab calls upon Captain Kregger Intergalactic Troubleshooter for help (the dude that plays Beastmaster), who seems to spend a lot of time chilling in his space sauna.  However when Kregger reaches planet side Cranson doesn’t want him to kill the mutant because “it’s not a monster” or something, but ultimately loses the argument when it starts impregnating people with giant slugs that crawl in through the nose and burst out from the chest.  It can also kill with a scratch infecting victims with “every disease known to man”.  So it spreads herpes?  Gross.  In the end it mutates in a cross between a dragon and a xenomorph, Kregger kills it, and then happily returns to his steam bath in space to relax.