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Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Black Christmas season...

With the white stuff falling, we once again find ourselves in the cold grip of winter, but fret not, there is plenty of snowbound stalk and slash goodness to keep our blood warm at night.  Black Christmas will always be a go-to for me when in the mood for bloody snow angels.  I expect Christmas Evil will get several spins from me this year as well as a brand new review.  Dear reader, what are some of your favorite cold weather slashers?  Cold Prey?  Curtains? 


Thursday, November 7, 2019

Trick (2019)



TRICK is a hyper-kinetic slasher, a shock-a-minute horror thrill ride through frosty Upstate NY on various Halloween nights.  Patrick Weaver is a smart, quiet, loner that his classmates call “Trick” for short; and apparently has a hard-on for Halloween myths and gets wet over urban legends.  Trick knows what he wants to be when he grows up; a new age Michael Myers, or at least the dime store equivalent.  Everyone needs a role model, so on Halloween Night 2016 he dons a double sided pumpkin skull mask and plays spin the knife with his “friends”, the typical cast of high school clich├ęs and stereotypes including jock football players, and soon the psycho stabbing starts, but before Trick can hit the double-digit body count he’s impaled by a fire poker by the nubile virginal teen who he seemingly has a small thing for.  While recovering at the hospital Trick stages a dramatic escape, cutting a bloody swath through the staff, displaying hardcore parkour abilities while shrugging off bullets from the police.  He disappears into a frozen lake, leaving more questions than answers.

As the detectives on the case slowly try to piece together the clues it becomes apparent that there is far more to Trick than it seems, and as he alludes police with each subsequent Halloween massacre his legend grows; Trick’s ability to anticipate the detectives moves almost seems supernatural.  They even begin calling him “true evil” (hello Michael Myers-lite), but that might be Patrick’s greatest “trick” of all.  SPOILER TIME...It seems he has been taking a lot of notes from the Scream series, and there might be multiple Trick impersonators and doppelgangers afoot; the irony here being that the movie is kind of a semi-Scream 2 reunion, featuring Jamie Kennedy (woooof time has not been kind) and Omar Epps (killed in the bathroom of the movie-in-a-movie Stab premier in Scream 2).  Horror legend Tom “everybody likes me” Atkins also joins the cast; watching the old Creep-killer wield a shotgun on the screen again warms the cold cockles of my bitter black heart.            

Trick moves at a breakneck speed; there is not a lot of time for atmosphere just a mad dash from one kill scene to the next.  There is barely any time to process one massacre before jumping into the next in a kitchen sink approach to horror; mixing elements of several popular slasher movies in hope of establishing a hip new franchise; they even throw in a Saw-like trap at one point as a nod to torture-porn.  Trick does a fine job of keeping its cards tight to its chest; it kept me guessing until the end.  It’s silly and stretches common sense to its breaking limit, but it will entertain the popcorn munching crowd looking for cheap brainless thrills, like a good haunt or backwoods horror maze it primarily focuses on giggle-inducing jump scares.  Any time spent on exposition and character feelings seems completely unnecessary and tends to drag down the pace, detracting from the bloody show pieces; better just to give slash-heads the gory gruel they signed up for.

Patrick Lussier also directed My Bloody Valentine 3D, which was far more impressive as a technical feat (the first time I saw convincing 3D) than as a remake of the original material (MBV is classic stalk and slash), but the pacing is pretty much the same here as it was in MBV3D.  There was almost an Halloween 3D helmed by the same writer/director team of Patrick Lussier and Todd Farmer (Jason X), and while I love their passion for B-grade horror I can’t help but feel a bit grateful that project didn’t come to pass and Trick kind of re-enforced that notion for me.  I think Halloween works better as a slow burn like a good Hitchcock movie; where Patrick Lussier’s movies feel more rushed and cheap to me, devoid of atmosphere but ready to deliver the bloody chunks in a kind of frantic dash from plot point to plot point.    

For anyone looking for a bloody fun new Halloween chunk-blower with 90’s slasher inspirations like “I Know What You Did Last Summer”, Trick will give you the treats you seek. 



Friday, November 1, 2019

Halloween Kills Teaser


Halloween is over...

The pumpkins rot on the sidewalk as wet leaves dance in secret cadence around the decaying epitaphs of a Halloween come and gone; but fear not there is more horror and gore on the way.  Christmas Evil never disappoints...


Happy Halloween!

Thursday, October 24, 2019

How adults trick or treat....

At a certain age it become faux pas to go trick or treating, or so they say.  Fudge that crap, got my official trick or treat bag coming for the big night...

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

Exhumed

If you are not listening to the bay area death metal splatter gore maestro's Exhumed as part of your daily soundtrack you are not living a full VHS monster kid life, you are living a lie! 


Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Retroband

Essential toys for your crypt, look at these monstrosities!

http://www.retrobandtoys.com/

https://deadlydelivery.bigcartel.com/





Cropsy's Cryptkeeper might have to take a crack at making his own bastard creations of soft vinyl and clay....

Wicked Pizza

Eat pizza, watch horror, worship SATAN! 


Live the monster kid life, pizza is a staple, horror movies are our death ritual, VHS terror makes us appreciate life all the more, any second could bring black death, and in this chaos, on the razor edge of infinity we learn to truly live.  Yeah this pizza was WICKED good.


Get out there, explore the dark wild corners of our world during this season of rot, appreciate the living, for the season of death is right behind.  


Spookbag 2019

Halloween came early this year with lots of treats for this monster kid and horror hog.  Plenty of fun junk to sate the appetite of anybody with true Hallow's eve spirit and orange mutant blood running through their black veins.  I really hope to make this an annual tradition, it came with a cursed black fortune cookie, candy corn, marshmallow ghost farts, squishy boogers, a plastic roach, horror movie pins, zany stickers, a pen, so much crazy fun stuff....

...it's like stealing a trick or treaters bag.  None of the hard work, all of the sweet sugary rewards.
Oh yeah it came with this kick ass shirt too, get SHUCKED!:
I hope everyone is getting ready for Hallow's Eve and is feeling the Fall fever.....long live the monsters...

Tuesday, October 8, 2019

TRICK trailer

The new Halloween horror franchise?


Thursday, September 26, 2019

Spook-Bag 2019 - Cavity Colors

Fudge yeah, got one!  I can't wait to see what treats await...

Monday, September 23, 2019

Halloween Kills - fan art

Never too early for the fan art to start rolling in...


Cavity Colors Spook Bag

This Wednesday....


Cavity Colors is releasing the next Spook Bag....I will not miss out this year!!

Haunt





The premise to Haunt is nothing new to fans of Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse although the look and feel of both movies are entirely different animals.  Haunt is more of a haunted house experience rather than the carnival like atmosphere of The Funhouse, advertising itself as “extreme” to appeal to the Generation XYZ-who gives a shit crowd.  Real world extreme haunted houses are something I don’t think I would ever put myself through; they are essentially legalized torture where people poke you with sticks in the dark and vomit in your face while trying to induce the feeling of being drowned.  No thanks, life is torture enough. 



What I liked about Haunt is that you essentially know what to expect from the start, but it keeps messing with those expectations throughout.  You know the kids going through the haunted house are the proverbial meat for the grinder, but the movie is very patient, gathering the right amount of suspense and atmosphere before going into full tilt crazy kill mode, and it doesn’t disappoint.  The killers themselves seem to be next-level Halloween obsessed freaks, the movie leaks just enough information about them to keep them mysterious, creepy, and terrifying.  You don’t want to know what’s behind the mask.  The film is bathed in the neon glow colors of a funhouse which seems appropriate, and the kill-set-pieces are well done, it kept me guessing until the end and wishing for a sequel.  They aren’t overdone or over the top like Saw where you have trouble believing someone could build these traps, and the movie isn’t overly focused on gross torture porn.  I think this is a good stalk and slash to kick start the Halloween season this year, and a surprisingly good slasher.  I would have gone to the theaters to see this one.   I think there was a movie with almost the exact same premise that came out last year (except it was a horror festival rather than a single haunted house), I can’t even recall the name of it, but I have a feeling I will be re-watching Haunt for a while.    I think it’s the best new slasher I’ve seen all year, or at least since Halloween 2018.   


Tuesday, September 17, 2019

Halloween 4 - new designs by Gutter Garbs

Tonight at 630 EST Gutter Garbs is releasing new designs based on Halloween 4.

https://guttergarbs.com/collections/halloween-4-the-return-of-michael-myers

Make sure to grab me one ;)

Gutter Garbs/ Terror Threads - New Halloween shirts

I just wanted to point out Gutter Garbs and Terror Threads are continuing to impress with their new Halloween line of shirts...

https://guttergarbs.com/products/halloween-halloween-1963-t-shirt

https://terrorthreads.com/collections/mens/products/halloween-the-evil-is-gone-baseball-t-shirt?variant=13785704988727

Or maybe a rewind of die baseball tee?  Halloween is coming kiddies!  What will you be for the big night?



Anybody want to grab me some?

Saturday the 14th

Saturday the 14th is a hooky time killer, great for a hung-over pizza laden Sunday.  None of the jokes are actually funny, nothing sticks, but for some reason I can't tear myself away from its cheap basement budget charm.  It reminds me of Scooby-Do meets The Spookies.  They kind of toss in as many rubber monsters and dime store vampires as they can to spice things up a bit, which is fine by this monster kid.  I get the feeling that the writers are from the same pool of talent as the people behind Return of the Killer Tomatoes.  The jokes kind of land the same, all lame.  This is really some next level goofy nonsense, but it's the 80's so nobody really gives a damn, just have fun with it.  It centers around a family that moves into an old haunted mansion.  The son accidentally unleashes a monster Armageddon from an ancient book of evil that prophesies Saturday the 14th as the end of the world.  Despite the movie having a kind of wholesome family quality to it there is some gore centering around the creatures tearing people to pieces mostly off screen.  It was actually kind of shocking to see any blood in this; it could have easily screened on television as part of a fun Saturday morning marathon for kids.  I would recommend if you are in the mood for some serious cheese:

       

AHS 1984 - Poster


Friday, September 13, 2019

Happy Friday the 13th!

Almost forgot!  It's Friday the 13th, time for a stalk and slash marathon featuring my favorite mongoloid camper.  Speaking of camp, that new American Horror Story 1984 show looks like it peeled back my skull and peered inside my brain.  I can't wait to check that one out.  I was a little hesitant, I mean everything after season 2 has pretty much been downhill for me.  If they break into a song I'm totally out.

 

Friday, September 6, 2019

The new Lonnie - Halloween Kills

Meet the new Lonnie...


Thursday, September 5, 2019

Black Christmas - new trailer


Monday, July 29, 2019

Tommy Doyle returns?

Tommy Doyle is returning to Halloween!

Remember the kids? The ones she was babysitting, on that night in the original Halloween. Well, according to a pair of reporters on The Sneider Cut, a podcast put on by Collider reporter Jeff Sneider, one of those kids—Tommy Doyle, specifically—is returning to the world of masked horror in Halloween Kills.



Updated: 

Halloween Kills

Variety reports Anthony Michael Hall will inherit the role of Tommy Doyle from Paul Rudd in Halloween Kills. Originally a charge of Laurie Strode’s babysitting services, the adult Doyle went on to beat Michael Myers with a lead pipe in Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers.


Saturday, July 20, 2019

HALLOWEEN KILLS and HALLOWEEN ENDS!

This Fall HALLOWEEN WILL KILL!

Halloween sequel news!



THEN...ONE YEAR LATER....



Friday, July 12, 2019

Halloween sequels shooting back to back?

Wow, color me intrigued....I'd even be down for a triple header!

From the article:

Before digging in, we must caution this should only be regarded as a rumor for the time being, as it has yet to be confirmed by the studio or anyone associated with the production. That having been said, a new report claiming to have info from an "extremely reliable insider" states that Blumhouse wants director David Gordon Green, who helmed 2018's Halloween, to shoot two sequels back-to-back. That's not all. This same insider claims the studio is considering releasing both of these alleged sequels in the same month.

It had been previously reported that Halloween 2 was expected to be released on October 16, 2020. So how would this work? Would Halloween 3 then hit theaters the following week? Would they maybe wait until October 30, just ahead of 2020's actual Halloween, giving moviegoers a couple of weeks to watch the first of these new sequels before having to rush back out to theaters in order to see how everything wraps up? For now, we have precious few answers, but we could be seeing a whole lot more of Laurie Strode and Michael Myers, and perhaps a lot sooner than we expected.


Halloween sequel news...


Felissa Rose shirts at Terror Threads

Felissa Rose sporting her/his(?) Sleepaway Camp look :)....hot as love!


Grab this t-shirt to cover your repulsive body boils at Terror Threads!  Grab me one too while you are at it!



Terror Threads


Gutter Garbs - Friday the 13th

Limited time release of these killer shirts...

JASON'S BACK!



Gutter Garbs - Friday 2 pack

Friday, July 5, 2019

Happy Friday!

Another week in the bucket, another Friday, and another excuse to watch Jason do his thing.   I hope you saved enough room for pizza and classick stalk and slash carnage! 


Wednesday, July 3, 2019

Happy 4th of July

What slasher do you watch on the 4th of July?  For me I think this year will be a double-header of Jason Takes Manhattan and The Prowler....


Freddy Krueger on the Goldbergs

So it's come to this....the last appearance of the true Freddy...on TV...





Not looking too shabby, I'd say he has at least one more NOES left in him.  ;)


Thursday, June 27, 2019

Digital Slashers...

Jumping back into Friday the 13th and starting Dead by Daylight again.  I feel like I've been missing out on the party, Friday the 13th has been polished a lot since I last logged in, there was no offline mode at all.  I have been having fun exploring all the offline content there, it feels more cinematic and encompassing, can't wait to get warmed up enough to jump back to the online rooms.  Anybody want to play?  I'm on PS4 as CPLCHUD, hit me up sometime if you see me stalking online.  I would like to get a regular room for Friday the 13th going every Friday night for anybody who is down. 

Yup I got the Savini skin, pre-ordered this game years ago for the kick-starter campaign, totally worth it.

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Child's Play art










I've been on kind of a Chucky kick lately after seeing Child's Play 2019.  It really made me pine for the older entries; they are still cheesy as hell but I love them anyhow.  Expect a review on the whole series coming up in the next few weeks, I'm just making it through Cult of Chucky now.