Friday, September 30, 2011
Posted by CROPSY'S CRYPTKEEPER at 9:21 AM
Sunday, September 25, 2011
The story takes place in a sleepy fishing community where a big bad corporation is coming in to give everyone jobs at a newly proposed fish hatching plant. A local Native American sees through this ploy, notices the subtle changes in the wildlife, like dead dogs and giant humanoid fish men, so naturally he opposes this plant. There's a lot of conflict between him and a bunch of racist rednecks, leading to wacky black and blue brawls where uppercuts go "bamf" and have the heavy sound of bare knuckle punching raw meat, but that soon takes a backseat to the real issue at hand; mermen are raping their women and by golly they got to do something about it. The cool headed main goody two shoes fisherman and main protagonist Jim, sides with the Indian after he sees some evidence indicating something is amok. They team with a hot body scientist named Dr. Drake (these type of flicks always have a beautiful babe biologist, don't they?), who seems to know a little bit too much about these new creatures. After locating a hive of the humanoids and filling it with buckets of bullets and spear gun darts, they retrieve a fish monster cadaver and one of their recent rape victims, a girl who is still covered in fresh humanoid man spunk. Dr. Drake ends up revealing that the new plant, or cannery, is the source of these creatures, and that they are attracted to big tittied buxoms. Naturally. This sets the stage for the sea men's big offensive push out of the water and on to land at an annual carnival. Chaos ensues, women are taken as sex slaves, men are made into sushi, but eventually the people rally together and repel the onslaught of horny amphibians.
The humanoids are sufficiently slimy, there’s a bodacious boob count, and the gore is on par with slow decapitations, face rips, and torso tears; this has the right mix o' cheese to keep most B-flixsters happy. I love how un-reactive, and stone faced everyone in this film seems to be after discovering what could be the find of a century. It's all dealt with in such a matter of fact manner that it makes me wonder how many times monsters from the ocean venture to this place to inseminate some poor lady, so obviously the acting is pretty much what you'd expect given the type of flick this is. I really dug this slop. Anything that capitalizes on the fear of rape with creatures from the murky depths of the ocean should be checked out at least once.
Posted by CROPSY'S CRYPTKEEPER at 9:33 AM
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Posted by CROPSY'S CRYPTKEEPER at 12:51 PM
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Posted by CROPSY'S CRYPTKEEPER at 2:17 PM
Monday, September 19, 2011
I don't think that the audience sees these connections right away because at the end of the film you aren't thinking about what Loomis said twenty minutes ago. You're thinking about Laurie and Dr. Loomis getting away and eradicating the threat of the Shape, but when you take the movie in as a whole it makes sense and explains why the writers (or writer John Carpenter), would make up some false explanation of Samhain.
Myers turned his attack on Laurie into an attack on Haddonfield itself. He wanted the police jumping at their own shadows, spreading the police force out thin in a panic, leaving The Shape free to pursue his own dark intentions. Alice's death was a means to an end. He needed the police shaken up enough to start running over their own citizens in patrol vehicles. That sick irony is something Myers thrives on.
Posted by CROPSY'S CRYPTKEEPER at 12:15 PM
As you can probably surmise, this crappy Crypt-keeper is absolutely coo-coo clock for Halloween decor, and after a quick trip to the local curios shop I returned with Captain Spaulding from THE EXORCIST; completely pea soup splattered in all her spinning head glory.
Demon possession is so grand, I can't wait until it becomes the cool thing to do.
Finally got down with some Halloween 2, BOO-ray action. Love the candy coated hi definition color, but am not so happy about the credits switcheroo at the beginning. The crypt space will be filled with Halloween 2 black mass worship all week, so keep peaking here for some gushy Halloween movie love....
Posted by CROPSY'S CRYPTKEEPER at 4:44 AM
Monday, September 12, 2011
Dracula is sick of the game. Yes sick. And the damned creature wants out of it. He's sick of monster hunters separating his coffin lid in the throes of a good midday nap, he's tired of feeding the vampire chicks chained to his coffin, he's sick of humanity mucking it up for him. It's time for the dark days; the all or nothing days. It's time for the apocalypse, the big end game, and with the help of some hypnotized higher up British officials and a brand new strand of the bubonic plague, aka the Black Death, he seems closer to ever to bringing the world to the end, if it weren't for that meddling Van Helsing standing in his way...
Peter Cushing and Christoher Lee mix it up in this classic HAMMER sinema great, and with this being Christopher Lee's last Dracula flick, it makes me wonder if the whole deal about Dracula being tired of living had some other implications, like Mr. Lee was tired of playing the living dead, even though it's a FACT that nobody on Earth can bulge their bloodshot eyes out of their skull in hyno-Dracula trance like he can. There's some political intrigue, actually it wasn't as intriguing as a chore to sit through until the movie got to the classic HAMMER stuff, but I'd recommend it if you're looking for a good vamp flick that doesn't make vampires look like cry baby emo goth kids.
Posted by CROPSY'S CRYPTKEEPER at 3:12 PM
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Posted by CROPSY'S CRYPTKEEPER at 3:20 PM
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
What I enjoyed most about the story had nothing to do with the story at all, it was reading into some of Tobe's own inner monologue, dialogue which sometimes caters to nerdgasming slashheads like yours truly, that got my goat and I suspect is the main pull for many people purchasing the book. The characters in the novel are just as eccentric as some of the characters in his quirkier movies (think Eaten Alive) and there’s certainly an effort made to entertain above all else even if the horror is reduced to the slapstick over the top antics of some splatter flicks; tongue planted firmly through the cheek. The mystery surrounding the outbreak kept me going as the clues were evenly spread throughout the book, revelations came to the reader at a satisfying pace, although I pretty much guessed the true catalyst for the outbreak from the onset.
All in all I couldn't recommend this to anyone that isn't a gushing Tobe Hooper fan. The day I read this book I was bed ridden, suffering from a summer plague during a stiffening heat wave, with Lifeforce, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, and Eaten Alive playing on the cathode ray throughout the morning and afternoon hours. The only breaks I had were to spill some fluids in the bathroom, either from pissing or puking. Bow to the porcelain goddess. Zombie films seem so much more pertinent when your sick and suffering, but the Tobe Hooper love-fest did little to help elevate the material in the novel and my enjoyment of it. Buy at your own risk. This is a library loaner for sure.
Posted by CROPSY'S CRYPTKEEPER at 8:09 AM
Monday, September 5, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
We're buzzing (with plague carrying fleas) about the new Halloween 2 blu-ray coming out September 13th here in the crypt. The old VHS tape is looking rather dog eared from viewing the movie ritualistically through the 3 decades since it's been unleashed on the human herd, as the film is a template for sugary slasher movie fun and one of Cropsy Cryptkeeper's personal cream of the crap picks.
I'm expecting Bereavement to hit the post box sometime soon, so expect a review to the follow up to Malevolence shortly. I'm hoping it will be just as slashtastic, if not better and darker than the first. Working diligently on soaking up as much slime as possible in the pages of the new fanzine. Thank you everyone who contributed to its evil resolve. Until next time, keep on ROTTING!
Posted by CROPSY'S CRYPTKEEPER at 7:32 AM