Monday, March 26, 2012

Geriatric slashers

From BD:

Being a serial killer, retarded or otherwise, isn't a job with a healthy retirement plan. And as good as you are, it's lonely at the top. Freddy Krueger doesn't have a special someone to grow old with, Jason doesn't understand basic economics and the ladies never flocked to Michael Myers' charming personality.

Photographer Federico Chiesa understands this and he's crafted a new series of photographs that relay the fates of our favorite villains. The photos are part of his series “Horror Vacui” (latin for “fear of empty space“) and they're something you're definitely gonna want to check out.

Hit the jump to see the fates that await some of our most iconic evil-doers!

Friday, March 16, 2012

Dream Warriors 3 script from

Check out the link below for BD's article on the NOES 3 script, pretty interesting stuff for fanatical Fred-heads!

Happy new poster FRIDAY!

I've never done a 24 hour Friday the 13th marathon, but it might need to happen someday!
Have a great weekend goons and loons!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Wrong Turn 4

Wrong Turn 4 is a slap dash of Saw-inspired depravity, torture porn-esque raunch, and toilet level humor.  Even with expectations set to zero the movie grates against my medulla oblongata.  It earns crypt-o points for slashing in the snow, but loses said points for the blasphemy of rendering snow with CGI.  Set with a cast of one dimensional jocks and jockettes with matching Beiber Ken-doll haircuts and personalities, it’s hard to sympathize with any of the meat.  This is the type of party that all scream “YEAH” and throw their fists in the air when they simultaneously hop on to snow mobiles.  May death release these morons soon…I mean these goofs complain about the cold while simultaneously stripping down naked.  But no fear, it isn’t soon before they snuggle into a nice warm abandoned insane asylum with the infamous inbreds of Wrong Turn; now with a new and improved totally 100% unnecessary back story that really adds zero to the proceedings of any of the movies in the series.  The inbred hill-tards kind of look like they got their getup from the local Spirits Halloween store, so don’t expect the same threat level as the original.  Think more Goosebumps meets Hostel and you kind of got the feel for this freak-shake.  The kill scenes are long and torturous, and I get the sense that they meant for some of it to be slapstick, but it just comes off as mean spirited when we are forced to spend ten minutes watching someone get tortured as a “human fondue”.  They pile on lesbians and bouts of brevity to try to soften the mean nature of the movie but it just falls short and ends up making for a very strange package.  I can’t tell if they want me to laugh or clutch my barf bag.  I can say it kept me watching from beginning to end, and the ending was pretty marvelous…rewind worthy and out of nowhere….so I won’t spoil it for you here.  It will make for a decent Friday night time waster with a few brews but skip the repeat watch, it’s a good renter for the depraved….      

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Wrong Turns

What’s up rippers?  Thought I’d try posting more off the bloody cuff stuff.  I’ve recently revisited the brand “nu” generic backwoods slasher Wrong Turn; a movie that proves once again that the old tropes of stalk and slash can still scare up a few screams.  The setup is exactly the same you come to expect from its 70’s and 80’s grindhouse kin; a group of hip-to-be-square strangers get lost in the wilds of West Virginia and are hunted by giggling, jibbering mad inbred cannibals hankering for some Gucci stew.  For those that still haven’t seen it Wrong Turn doesn’t desecrate any new ground, but that doesn’t seem to hamper the spinal snapping pace of the movie any.  The inbred cannibals emulate a sense of deadly ferociousness; they demonstrate superior bow and trapping skills, keeping the danger level high for the fresh faced would-be victims, and the attacks come suddenly and sometimes without warning, keeping the audience sufficiently rattled.  Even after seeing this a few times I still jump at certain points where, like an arrow to the face, the ultra-violence seems to explode on the screen out of nowhere to wrench your guts.  I haven’t seen Wrong Turn for a while, but it really is one of the better “nu wave” slasher yarns with its guts in the right place (it was written by stalk and slash fan Alan McElroy, the same writer of Halloween 4) and some notorious and really creative kill scenes.  I recently received Wrong Turn 4 from a super cool someone, which has me kind of amped being as it is a snowbound slasher…..I hope it’s good….fingers and severed limbs crossed!             

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Sideshow's killer Freddy premium format figure

If it wasn't for the price I'd be on this faster than a hobo on a ham sandwich.  Me wants it!

FRED HEADS check out Fright-Rags on March 15th!

Friday part 5 is cool...yar beyond be SPOLIERS!

In defense of Friday the 13th part 5:  The New Beginning

In the Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter Jason met his embarrassing defeat at the hands of Corey Feldman, so it should come as no surprise that he wasn’t in the mood to resurface for the 5th entry in the series.  If Corey Feldman beat you at anything would you want to show your face in public anytime soon?  I didn’t think so.

 Friday the 13th part 5 gets a lot of shit for not having the “real” Jason in it.  He’s only shown in hallucinations and dreamlike illusions.  The real killer is a copycat.  He’s an ambulance driver named Roy.  There, I fucking spoiled it for the people that didn’t catch the obvious wink-wink, nudge-nudge moments in the film showing Roy’s reaction to his dead son Joey and subsequent “Are you talking to me Sheriff?” dialogue.  And while some people might find Roy a poor substitute for a killer mongoloid in serious need of swimming lessons, I found it thematically appropriate.  The original Friday the 13th was about a mother’s reaction to grief over her son’s death (or presumed death).  The fifth entry deals with a father’s reaction to his son Joey’s death, which is a theme that ties the series together with its roots quite nicely.  Joey is even represented as a social outcast, much like Jason was said to be; ignored and physically different from his peers, and his death triggers a lethal response in Roy much the same way news of Jason’s drowning triggers Pamela Voorhees to kill.  And their purpose for killing seemed to extend way beyond mere revenge.  It seemed apparent to me that both of them wanted to memorialize the deaths of their children whose mistreatment by the world would have otherwise gone completely forgotten while simultaneously attacking a society they believed had let them down some way.  Their failure to protect as guardians was placed on the failure of society to protect its innocent, and thus they set out to prove the NIHILISTIC reality that nobody is ever truly safe via enacting revenge.

I’m glad they kept Jason dead for this installment.  I love the big loaf like most fans but his time was done, and keeping him dead is much better than bringing him back to be some cheesy ass superhuman Frankenstein monster.  The film makers themselves couldn’t even play it with a straight face anymore, adding little cutesy tongue in cheek garbage to the script every chance they got, like having Jason do a James Bond impression, or being resurrected by lightning, or knocking over some punk kid’s stereo in Manhattan.  FUCK.  Friday the 13th parts six through ten are fun films, sure, but they are also fucking retarded, and they are anything but suspenseful and terrifying.  If anything fans should be pissed that Jason came back as such a hollow mockery of his former self to piss all over the tenuous legacy of the Friday the 13th films.       
I hope everyone is enjoying the fine spring air.  The first wisps of summer air have crept into the crypt, and it couldn't be more wretched.  This summer Cropsy will have his revenge, so much to many graves to little time...