Friday, December 13, 2019
Friday, November 15, 2019
Black Christmas refake...PG-13?
There are plenty of great horror movies that aren't rated R, that's a fact, but nothing can save a bad horror movie like boobs, bad words, and blood. The Black Christmas 2019 refake became far less exciting to me knowing it's going for the PG-13th rating to try to appeal to a larger audience of younger females that might find scary movies too edgy or something. Way to talk down to women; suddenly they can't take the gore?
Thursday, November 7, 2019
Trick (2019)
TRICK is a
hyper-kinetic slasher, a shock-a-minute horror thrill ride through frosty
Upstate NY on various Halloween nights.
Patrick Weaver is a smart, quiet, loner that his classmates call “Trick”
for short; and apparently has a hard-on for Halloween myths and gets wet over urban
legends. Trick knows what he wants to be
when he grows up; a new age Michael Myers, or at least the dime store
equivalent. Everyone needs a role model,
so on Halloween Night 2016 he dons a double sided pumpkin skull mask and plays
spin the knife with his “friends”, the typical cast of high school clichés and
stereotypes including jock football players, and soon the psycho stabbing starts,
but before Trick can hit the double-digit body count he’s impaled by a fire
poker by the nubile virginal teen who he seemingly has a small thing for. While recovering at the hospital Trick stages
a dramatic escape, cutting a bloody swath through the staff, displaying
hardcore parkour abilities while shrugging off bullets from the police. He disappears into a frozen lake, leaving
more questions than answers.
As the
detectives on the case slowly try to piece together the clues it becomes
apparent that there is far more to Trick than it seems, and as he alludes
police with each subsequent Halloween massacre his legend grows; Trick’s
ability to anticipate the detectives moves almost seems supernatural. They even begin calling him “true evil”
(hello Michael Myers-lite), but that might be Patrick’s greatest “trick” of
all. SPOILER TIME...It seems he has been taking a lot
of notes from the Scream series, and there might be multiple Trick
impersonators and doppelgangers afoot; the irony here being that the movie is
kind of a semi-Scream 2 reunion, featuring Jamie Kennedy (woooof time has not
been kind) and Omar Epps (killed in the bathroom of the movie-in-a-movie Stab
premier in Scream 2). Horror legend Tom
“everybody likes me” Atkins also joins the cast; watching the old Creep-killer
wield a shotgun on the screen again warms the cold cockles of my bitter black
heart.
Trick moves
at a breakneck speed; there is not a lot of time for atmosphere just a mad dash
from one kill scene to the next. There
is barely any time to process one massacre before jumping into the next in a
kitchen sink approach to horror; mixing elements of several popular slasher
movies in hope of establishing a hip new franchise; they even throw in a
Saw-like trap at one point as a nod to torture-porn. Trick does a fine job of keeping its cards
tight to its chest; it kept me guessing until the end. It’s silly and stretches common sense to its
breaking limit, but it will entertain the popcorn munching crowd looking for
cheap brainless thrills, like a good haunt or backwoods horror maze it primarily
focuses on giggle-inducing jump scares.
Any time spent on exposition and character feelings seems completely
unnecessary and tends to drag down the pace, detracting from the bloody show
pieces; better just to give slash-heads the gory gruel they signed up for.
Patrick
Lussier also directed My Bloody Valentine 3D, which was far more impressive as
a technical feat (the first time I saw convincing 3D) than as a remake of the
original material (MBV is classic stalk and slash), but the pacing is pretty
much the same here as it was in MBV3D.
There was almost an Halloween 3D helmed by the same writer/director team
of Patrick Lussier and Todd Farmer (Jason X), and while I love their passion
for B-grade horror I can’t help but feel a bit grateful that project didn’t
come to pass and Trick kind of re-enforced that notion for me. I think Halloween works better as a slow burn
like a good Hitchcock movie; where Patrick Lussier’s movies feel more rushed
and cheap to me, devoid of atmosphere but ready to deliver the bloody chunks in
a kind of frantic dash from plot point to plot point.
For anyone
looking for a bloody fun new Halloween chunk-blower with 90’s slasher
inspirations like “I Know What You Did Last Summer”, Trick will give you the
treats you seek.
Friday, November 1, 2019
Wednesday, October 23, 2019
Exhumed
If you are not listening to the bay area death metal splatter gore maestro's Exhumed as part of your daily soundtrack you are not living a full VHS monster kid life, you are living a lie!
Tuesday, October 22, 2019
Retroband
Essential toys for your crypt, look at these monstrosities!
http://www.retrobandtoys.com/
https://deadlydelivery.bigcartel.com/
Spookbag 2019
Halloween came early this year with lots of treats for this monster kid and horror hog. Plenty of fun junk to sate the appetite of anybody with true Hallow's eve spirit and orange mutant blood running through their black veins. I really hope to make this an annual tradition, it came with a cursed black fortune cookie, candy corn, marshmallow ghost farts, squishy boogers, a plastic roach, horror movie pins, zany stickers, a pen, so much crazy fun stuff....
Oh yeah it came with this kick ass shirt too, get SHUCKED!:
Tuesday, October 8, 2019
Thursday, September 26, 2019
Monday, September 23, 2019
Cavity Colors Spook Bag
This Wednesday....
Haunt
The premise
to Haunt is nothing new to fans of
Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse although the
look and feel of both movies are entirely different animals. Haunt is more of a haunted house experience rather than the carnival like atmosphere
of The Funhouse, advertising itself
as “extreme” to appeal to the Generation XYZ-who gives a shit crowd. Real world extreme haunted houses are
something I don’t think I would ever put myself through; they are essentially legalized
torture where people poke you with sticks in the dark and vomit in your face
while trying to induce the feeling of being drowned. No thanks, life is torture enough.
What I liked
about Haunt is that you essentially know what to expect from the start, but it
keeps messing with those expectations throughout. You know the kids going through the haunted
house are the proverbial meat for the grinder, but the movie is very patient,
gathering the right amount of suspense and atmosphere before going into full
tilt crazy kill mode, and it doesn’t disappoint. The killers themselves seem to be next-level
Halloween obsessed freaks, the movie leaks just enough information about them
to keep them mysterious, creepy, and terrifying. You don’t want to know what’s behind the
mask. The film is bathed in the neon
glow colors of a funhouse which seems appropriate, and the kill-set-pieces are
well done, it kept me guessing until the end and wishing for a sequel. They aren’t overdone or over the top like Saw where you have trouble believing
someone could build these traps, and the movie isn’t overly focused on gross torture
porn. I think this is a good stalk and
slash to kick start the Halloween season this year, and a surprisingly good
slasher. I would have gone to the
theaters to see this one. I think there
was a movie with almost the exact same premise that came out last year (except
it was a horror festival rather than a single haunted house), I can’t even
recall the name of it, but I have a feeling I will be re-watching Haunt for a while. I
think it’s the best new slasher I’ve seen all year, or at least since Halloween
2018.
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
Halloween 4 - new designs by Gutter Garbs
Tonight at 630 EST Gutter Garbs is releasing new designs based on Halloween 4.
https://guttergarbs.com/collections/halloween-4-the-return-of-michael-myers
Gutter Garbs/ Terror Threads - New Halloween shirts
I just wanted to point out Gutter Garbs and Terror Threads are continuing to impress with their new Halloween line of shirts...
https://guttergarbs.com/products/halloween-halloween-1963-t-shirt
https://terrorthreads.com/collections/mens/products/halloween-the-evil-is-gone-baseball-t-shirt?variant=13785704988727
Or maybe a rewind of die baseball tee? Halloween is coming kiddies! What will you be for the big night?
Anybody want to grab me some?
Saturday the 14th
Saturday the 14th is a hooky time killer, great for a hung-over pizza laden Sunday. None of the jokes are actually funny, nothing sticks, but for some reason I can't tear myself away from its cheap basement budget charm. It reminds me of Scooby-Do meets The Spookies. They kind of toss in as many rubber monsters and dime store vampires as they can to spice things up a bit, which is fine by this monster kid. I get the feeling that the writers are from the same pool of talent as the people behind Return of the Killer Tomatoes. The jokes kind of land the same, all lame. This is really some next level goofy nonsense, but it's the 80's so nobody really gives a damn, just have fun with it. It centers around a family that moves into an old haunted mansion. The son accidentally unleashes a monster Armageddon from an ancient book of evil that prophesies Saturday the 14th as the end of the world. Despite the movie having a kind of wholesome family quality to it there is some gore centering around the creatures tearing people to pieces mostly off screen. It was actually kind of shocking to see any blood in this; it could have easily screened on television as part of a fun Saturday morning marathon for kids. I would recommend if you are in the mood for some serious cheese:
Friday, September 13, 2019
Happy Friday the 13th!
Friday, September 6, 2019
Thursday, September 5, 2019
Monday, July 29, 2019
Tommy Doyle returns?
Tommy Doyle is returning to Halloween!
Remember the kids? The ones she was babysitting, on that night in the original Halloween. Well, according to a pair of reporters on The Sneider Cut, a podcast put on by Collider reporter Jeff Sneider, one of those kids—Tommy Doyle, specifically—is returning to the world of masked horror in Halloween Kills.
Updated:
Halloween Kills
Variety reports Anthony Michael Hall will inherit the role of Tommy Doyle from Paul Rudd in Halloween Kills. Originally a charge of Laurie Strode’s babysitting services, the adult Doyle went on to beat Michael Myers with a lead pipe in Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers.
Saturday, July 20, 2019
Friday, July 12, 2019
Halloween sequels shooting back to back?
Wow, color me intrigued....I'd even be down for a triple header!
From the article:
Before digging in, we must caution this should only be regarded as a rumor for the time being, as it has yet to be confirmed by the studio or anyone associated with the production. That having been said, a new report claiming to have info from an "extremely reliable insider" states that Blumhouse wants director David Gordon Green, who helmed 2018's Halloween, to shoot two sequels back-to-back. That's not all. This same insider claims the studio is considering releasing both of these alleged sequels in the same month.
It had been previously reported that Halloween 2 was expected to be released on October 16, 2020. So how would this work? Would Halloween 3 then hit theaters the following week? Would they maybe wait until October 30, just ahead of 2020's actual Halloween, giving moviegoers a couple of weeks to watch the first of these new sequels before having to rush back out to theaters in order to see how everything wraps up? For now, we have precious few answers, but we could be seeing a whole lot more of Laurie Strode and Michael Myers, and perhaps a lot sooner than we expected.
Halloween sequel news...
Felissa Rose shirts at Terror Threads
Felissa Rose sporting her/his(?) Sleepaway Camp look :)....hot as love!
Grab this t-shirt to cover your repulsive body boils at Terror Threads! Grab me one too while you are at it!
Terror Threads
Friday, July 5, 2019
Happy Friday!
Another week in the bucket, another Friday, and another excuse to watch Jason do his thing. I hope you saved enough room for pizza and classick stalk and slash carnage!
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
Happy 4th of July
What slasher do you watch on the 4th of July? For me I think this year will be a double-header of Jason Takes Manhattan and The Prowler....
Freddy Krueger on the Goldbergs
So it's come to this....the last appearance of the true Freddy...on TV...
Not looking too shabby, I'd say he has at least one more NOES left in him. ;)
Thursday, June 27, 2019
Digital Slashers...
Jumping back into Friday the 13th and starting Dead by Daylight again. I feel like I've been missing out on the party, Friday the 13th has been polished a lot since I last logged in, there was no offline mode at all. I have been having fun exploring all the offline content there, it feels more cinematic and encompassing, can't wait to get warmed up enough to jump back to the online rooms. Anybody want to play? I'm on PS4 as CPLCHUD, hit me up sometime if you see me stalking online. I would like to get a regular room for Friday the 13th going every Friday night for anybody who is down.
Yup I got the Savini skin, pre-ordered this game years ago for the kick-starter campaign, totally worth it.
Wednesday, June 26, 2019
Child's Play art
I've been on kind of a Chucky kick lately after seeing Child's Play 2019. It really made me pine for the older entries; they are still cheesy as hell but I love them anyhow. Expect a review on the whole series coming up in the next few weeks, I'm just making it through Cult of Chucky now.
NECA Ultimate Child's Play
Yeah I'm a little late to the party on this, but I am really digging the Chucky series right now.
Had to nab this little killer cutie....
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