Edge of the Axe – beware the
spoilers!
A car wash patron is cut down
brutally with an axe; blood and soap everywhere. In the country a local pig farmer and his
wife are harassed and stalked by a faceless stranger in the night. The police curiously dismiss it all as
accidents, pranks, and bizarre circumstance, almost as if they are covering
something up, but in the end they really aren’t. They’re just incompetent and lazy. There’s a relief to Paddock County;
aka axe murder central.
As the death toll mounts only
one boy genius and his new fangled invention, a talking computer called “Hyper”,
can crack the case. Edge of the Axe is a rare gem, a European influenced stalk and
slash foray with a pulse on the technological beat of the 80s, right at the
cusp of the home PC explosion. Computers
talk in this movie and it’s hysterical.
Did Gerold, the computer genius with “microchips for brains” invent
instant messaging so he could talk to his neurotic girlfriend? Probably not, but I can pretend he did. Anyone who sports a sweat outfit like it’s
the high rung of fashion should be able to lay claim to any invention. That’s confidence folks.
Gerold meets a young nubile
blonde named Lillian, who tells him that she feels a bit like a monster. She couldn’t be the mysterious killer. No way.
No how. Her life was dramatically
altered by a horrible swing-set accident that she just can’t put behind her. Maybe the writers felt like having mommy
issues was a little too passé for slasher flicks by 1986; but a swing-set
accident? If this all boils down to
being caused by a swing-set accident I’m going to…oh wait…nevermind.
To pacify any leftover downers
Lillian may have had from her terrible swing accident she spends a lot of time
casually strolling alleys and train tracks at night, meeting strangers, and
mercilessly cutting them to pieces with an axe. Sounds like a fun Friday. The axe attacks are brutal, where the killer
takes several swings, hacking the victim down like a tree. Each connection with the axe produces a
satisfying wet heavy sounding smack, like the person’s limbs are made out of
blood soaked wood. It’s great. If there’s one thing this movie does right
it’s a brutal axe bludgeoning. There’s
also one scene with a church chorus singing and some very intense
scowling. I think this movie does
scowling right as well. Probably some of
the most intense scowling in cinematic history can be found in this flick.
In the end the bad guy, gal,
whatever wins and is anybody really surprised?
I wasn’t, not with how callous the cops were acting about the mass
murders happening in town. A very low
key approach to crime solution is to just dismiss it all as accidental; like
that person accidentally cut themselves up into slabs of meat with a fire axe,
or got hit by a train. Unfortunately
however the world loses a flowering computer nerd at the end as well when the
police finally decide to act and mistake him for the killer. Best Buy is going to have to cut their Geek
Squad one short I’m afraid.
So is Edge of the Axe any good? If
you enter it with virginal expectations, a clean slate, you will be entertained
by it. It is a competently executed
flick with plenty of unintentional laughs.
If you think computer font is fun then you’re likely to have your
processor blown in by this movie.
However I don’t think it stands as tall next to many other slashers of
the era. Maybe it relies too heavily on
the whole computer gimmick, which dates the movie and makes all the computer
talk kind of obsolete to the modern audience.
It also seems to meander a lot, trying to find a solid narrative and
direction to keep interest peaked.
There’s a lot of time spent following individuals affected by the axe
slayings, it’s a small town and practically everyone seems to drink at Nebb’s
Bar, so storylines intertwine but don’t necessarily lead to anything worth
while when all the audience wants is blood, blood, blood. The axe slayings are utterly fantastic
though, probably some of the best in horror.
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Blood Frenzy –
beware spoilers!
Greetings fellow nut bars, and
welcome to Blood Frenzy, a movie
that proves that a family that slays together stays together. When a drunken dad looking for some kiddy
kinder-love trips on a “Lifesaver” pillow and gets his throat aerated by his
daughter with a Jack-in-the-box fetish, her loving brother does the most
logical thing, and takes on all the blame for the crime. I totally would have pinned it all on her; my
sister would snitch me out all the time when I was a kid. Killing brings the family together, always. Cut to some twenty some years later and the
maniac psycho-bitch Dory is back at it, misleading a group of mental patients
to remote patch of desert, where she and her gibbering insane brother Lonnie (who
reminds me of Ramses from Blood Feast)
can leisurely kill off the support group one by one.
I spoiled some of the mystery
behind who the killer is, but I thought it was fairly obvious. Everyone else in the support group other than
Dory has one obvious crutch. One woman
cannot stand to be touched by other people.
One man is a shell shocked vet; the other is a helpless slob and
alcoholic. There’s a nymphomaniac and a
shameless macho man. Dory’s only
personality flaw is that she’s a bitch that screams her lines so I had her
tagged as the killer from pretty early on in the movie. Actually almost everyone screams their lines
in this movie, so really the only thing that separates Dory from the pack is
her crankiness. Psycho killers can be so
rude. And she leads the group to a place
called “Old GhostTown Road”,
the very place where the “hills have eyes” and people mysteriously wake up with
their throats sliced at night, so again she seemed pretty suspicious. During the movie she constantly blaming Rick
the shell shocked veteran for the murders, but it seems like a very obvious
ploy to get any suspicion away from her.
She also talks about the desert like she’s a native, so it’s really just
kin d of obvious that she has something to do with the murders. The only curve ball they really throw you is
that there is no mention of any brother until towards the end of the movie,
which explains how she got away with killing her drunken touchy father to begin
with.
Blood Frenzy
gets really interesting, and well, frenzied at the end. If only they could have maintained that kind
of intensity through more of the film, it would have been a stalk and slash
home run. I thought the concept of the
killer as a kind of Jack-in-the-box was a good allusion, one that fits well in
the slasher genre, and the kills were fairly brutal. The slashed necks and impalements looked real
and red enough to me. The brother reveal
was pretty shocking and the end sequence where he cuts a damsel’s feet made me
pretty squeamish, for an otherwise pretty vanilla effort that scene had a lot
of bite. The way Lonnie laughs also
seemed to rate high on the goosebump factor.
He definitely had me sold on the idea that he was some reclusive maniac
living in deserted caves. The support group of mental patients did make for an
interesting hodge podge of characters flaws, even if they were all some walking
stereotype. Crazy people are always more
interesting than normal norms. Some of
it grated my tender sensibilities, some of it had me staring into space
wondering what to eat for dinner, but the bloody payoff at the end was worth
it.