Monday, August 1, 2016

I Come In Peace

The White Boys are a group of white collar workers who happen to deal heroin on the side, although it’s clear they don’t need the money; they are just evil fuckers.  Damn white people.  They own exotic sports car dealerships, yuppie CEOs in designer suits with shoulder pads snorting mountains of coke; these bozos think they are above the law and they might be right, but they aren’t above Jack Caine (Dolph Lundgren), a loose canon cop who plays by his own rules.  They killed his black partner and they are going to pay with sweet round house kicks to the head, problem is some alien who uses CDs like ninja stars is slicing and dicing his way through their ranks, and now Jack is really pissed.  Turns out this albino alien with perfectly quaffed hair is a drug dealer himself; he sticks tubes in people’s chests to overdose them on heroin, and then extract pieces of their brains for the endorphins to sell on his home planet.  This piece of information is treated like an “ah-ha” moment, and is explained without a hint of irony, because shit happens, just another day on the beat for a Houston detective.  There’s also criminal who goes by the name Boner and is interrogated by Jack pressing a gun to his nuts.  If you are looking for any gay subtext in this situation stop right there,  this isn’t that sort of movie, besides, Jack is boning the local undertaker, although I am not sure why; seems like they could have gotten a hotter broad for this kind of B-trash.

The movie goes through the stereotypical odd couple cop partner thing for a while; Jack is paired with an impish brown-noser that does everything “by the book”, crap we’ve seen a dozen times before which only seems to distract from the alien chest fucking action.  The other portion of the movie is schlock creature feature, watching this weird silver haired dude making drugs out of people’s brains and dodge exploding cars.  He tells everyone “I come in peace” before sucking out their brains with a smirk on his face, the kidder.

Everything about this movie is slightly nutty, I’d like to think behind the scenes there was a lot of booze and partying going on; there’s a lot of energy and crazy ideas and somehow it works without making me want to gouge out my own frontal lobe.  There’s no underlining context or pigeon holed message about “drugs are bad mmmkay”, just real stuntmen and pyrotechnics and goofy wise cracks “you come in peace, and leave in pieces!”.  The final fight is about what you’d expect, lots of round house kicks and action posturing.  This is Dolph at his peak; would make a perfect double feature with Split Second